It is never an easy thing to talk about when to leave or stay at a church. Here are a few of my thoughts on this sticky issue. A couple weeks ago, I met with a man who is leading a small church. He said: "I think people who are struggling need to just pick a church and plug in!" Is that the kind of flippant attitude we should have, is one church just as good as another? I don't think so, it is crucial to find out exactly where God wants us to be. The fact that you may even be considering leaving a church(apart from selfish reasons) is a sign that you are desiring to break with the status quo. I applaud you if you are truly seeking God. I believe God is also excited that you are rethinking and seeking to discover where he wants you to be and what he wants you to do.
Luke 6:39-41 He also told them this parable: “Can the blind lead the blind? Will they not both fall into a pit? The student is not above the teacher, but everyone who is fully trained will be like their teacher."
I have a few questions I would ask about any leadership I am considering placing my family under or removing ourselves from. No matter how much we want to believe otherwise, we do become like those we place ourselves under. It is prideful to believe we can remain in toxic environments and remain un-affected.
1. Am I being taught and encouraged to Love God more?
2. Am I being taught and encouraged to Love people more?3. Is there an expectation that we are building something greater than our own kingdom. Are we building our own little kingdom, or God's kingdom?
4. Is there a religious spirit? Is there pride, exclusivism, or pharisaical thinking.
5. Are the main things kept the main thing, or have minor doctrinal issues and gray areas become the main thing?
6. Is the leadership in complete control, or are they facilitating the working of the Holy Spirit and listening to where God is leading?
7. Is there an expectation that God can speak to more than just 1 person in the group.
8. Are people encouraged to find their God-given purpose, and are they then released, empowered, and activated into it?
9. Is doctrine the most important thing? The Pharisees missed Jesus because of their over-emphasis on doctrine.
10. Have rules replaced relationship?
11. Is there life here? Is spiritual birth happening, is spiritual growth happening?
12. How does the leadership respond to confrontation or differences of theology/practice?
This list from Paul contains different kinds of problems than the ones I mentioned in the first list. The kinds of problems the Corinthians struggled with are related to immaturity and can be resolved by helping people to grow up. The kinds of problems that are much more difficult to deal with contain an extreme controlling or religious aspect. Of course, none of us are completely free from a religious spirit, so I am talking about a place where a Religious Spirit has almost complete and total control. Jesus took a no-compromise approach to these kinds of people and environments. Judging from the way he dealt with it, I don't think He would ever allow himself to be controlled by that kind of spirit or place himself under it. Personally, I would be praying about when(not if) to come out from under that kind of spirit.
I remember when we first came to realize the fact that we were dealing with an ancient religious spirit in a church we were attending. It was definitely sobering. My wife sensed it spiritually as we sat in church one day, and she was able to see and sense its power and far-reaching effects. It is so much bigger than just the church we were part of. It is ancient, and its effects are much bigger than you think. We are not wrestling with flesh and blood in these environments.
It is certainly important to stay where you are unless the Lord moves you on. Have you been asking the Lord if it is his time to move you on yet? A number of years ago, my wife and I received a prophetic word that the Holy Spirit was like our Chauffeur, who would take us where he wants us to go. When it was time for us to move on, we would get into the car and he would drive us to the next destination. We have always sought to remain sensitive to God's timing about when and where he wants us to be. If we are in the wrong place, it is very costly to remain there. We don't even realize the fullness of the negative influences and wrong spirit we are under until we obey the Lord in leaving. Sometimes, we don't even need to know exactly where we are going before we leave. Just like Abraham, all he knew at first was that God was calling him to leave the familiar things(his country, his people, and his family). He didn't know exactly what the promised Land was yet, all he knew was that he had to obey. “Go from your country, your people and your father’s household to the land I will show you." Genesis 12:1
If a church is in serious doctrinal error or teaching unbiblically, it is time to seriously consider leaving that church. I am not talking about minor doctrinal issues, but major issues regarding who God is, who Jesus is, the authority of scripture, etc.
It is interesting to note how often the early church members would move from one area to another, or exchange people between churches to share gifts, ministry, etc. I don't think there was such a strangle-hold on keeping people in one place to build a personal kingdom. Of course, we are to be devoted to one another, and not leave places for flippant, selfish reasons. However, if God is leading or calling someone into a different area or to minister to a different group of believers, that is not a threat to God's kingdom. It is only a threat to the person who is trying to build a personal kingdom.
It is interesting to note how often the early church members would move from one area to another, or exchange people between churches to share gifts, ministry, etc. I don't think there was such a strangle-hold on keeping people in one place to build a personal kingdom. Of course, we are to be devoted to one another, and not leave places for flippant, selfish reasons. However, if God is leading or calling someone into a different area or to minister to a different group of believers, that is not a threat to God's kingdom. It is only a threat to the person who is trying to build a personal kingdom.
We certainly should not leave a church because of personal offenses, personal taste issues, relational conflicts, or immaturity issues. We need to work through these issues and allow God to mature us and heal us. However, when a church is nothing like Christ really meant it to be, or is heading in the opposite direction that God is calling us to go in, we need to be in serious prayer about whether we are in the right place.
Excuses for not leaving:
1. God just wants me to stay here and be an agent of change within the church. While this may seem like a noble or lofty goal, I believe this is extremely rare. You need to make sure that is what God is calling you to do. I have found that far too often, this is simply an excuse to remain where you are and avoid making any serious decision. What if Martin Luther had decided to remain a Catholic priest and try to change the Catholic church from within? Yes, he certainly could have - but he had a much greater impact when he came out of it, stood up for what was wrong, and sought to be an agent of change from the outside. You don't have to remain within a church structure for God to use you to change it. Would you ever counsel a Mormon or Jehovah's witness to stay within their church and try to bring about change from within? Doubtful.
2. God wants me to remain faithful to the church or the leadership
Does God want you to be faithful to an organization, or does he want you to be faithful to him? If you are being encouraged to be faithful to men or an organization, you need to be careful. You need to be willing to follow God, whether anyone agrees with you or not. While faithfulness is a noble virtue, we don't need to be faithful to the wrong things, particularly a church system. While we never give up on people, we don't need to be faithful to an organization or man-made structure.
3. But I just love the people, they're such nice people.
We must be willing to leave behind any people or religious systems that are keeping us from really following Christ. While we may still remain in relationship with them in various ways, we do not have to remain under the leadership structure of that church. We do not have to go in the same direction they are going. Also, sometimes people are just nice when you are going the same direction they are and believe all the same things they do. When you start to go against the grain or speak up about whether God is really part of the church, you will find out quickly if these are really nice people or not!
4. I don't want to hurt the pastor's feelings or the people's feelings by leaving
The New Testament does not tell us to be nice to each other, it tells us to love each other. Sometimes doing the loving thing or the right thing is not going to be interpreted as the "nice" thing. You need to do what God is telling you to do whether it is interpreted as nice or not.
5. I am breaking covenant if I leave this church
Time to get out of that church soon! If you feel like you are a covenant-breaker, or you will come under some sort of curse for leaving that church, you need to find the exit soon. That is a spiritually abusive and controlling environment, and you need to get out of it!
How to leave:
2. God wants me to remain faithful to the church or the leadership
Does God want you to be faithful to an organization, or does he want you to be faithful to him? If you are being encouraged to be faithful to men or an organization, you need to be careful. You need to be willing to follow God, whether anyone agrees with you or not. While faithfulness is a noble virtue, we don't need to be faithful to the wrong things, particularly a church system. While we never give up on people, we don't need to be faithful to an organization or man-made structure.
3. But I just love the people, they're such nice people.
We must be willing to leave behind any people or religious systems that are keeping us from really following Christ. While we may still remain in relationship with them in various ways, we do not have to remain under the leadership structure of that church. We do not have to go in the same direction they are going. Also, sometimes people are just nice when you are going the same direction they are and believe all the same things they do. When you start to go against the grain or speak up about whether God is really part of the church, you will find out quickly if these are really nice people or not!
4. I don't want to hurt the pastor's feelings or the people's feelings by leaving
The New Testament does not tell us to be nice to each other, it tells us to love each other. Sometimes doing the loving thing or the right thing is not going to be interpreted as the "nice" thing. You need to do what God is telling you to do whether it is interpreted as nice or not.
5. I am breaking covenant if I leave this church
Time to get out of that church soon! If you feel like you are a covenant-breaker, or you will come under some sort of curse for leaving that church, you need to find the exit soon. That is a spiritually abusive and controlling environment, and you need to get out of it!
How to leave:
Assuming the church is not abusive or cultic, we need to make sure we communicate very openly and honestly with our church leaders about why we are considering leaving. Generally, there should be no slipping out silently with everyone wondering why you left. Of course, I never had that option since I was involved in leadership in some way in the last two churches we were part of. It was imperative to explain my position well and lovingly talk to the pastor(s) about why God was calling us out of those churches. The leaders may not be excited about you leaving, they may try to get you to stay - so it is very important to know exactly why you are leaving, and to remain obedient to God.
Conclusion:
It amazes me how much time, effort, prayer, and thought we Americans will put into temporal things such as Jobs, Houses, Finances, etc. - but how little goes into finding out about our place in his eternal Kingdom. A large part of this is, what do I do about church? What is the church? How am I to be part of the church? This is a critical issue, and it is important to find out what God wants us to do. Much prayer and seeking needs to take place - it is not something to be taken casually or lightly.
Conclusion:
It amazes me how much time, effort, prayer, and thought we Americans will put into temporal things such as Jobs, Houses, Finances, etc. - but how little goes into finding out about our place in his eternal Kingdom. A large part of this is, what do I do about church? What is the church? How am I to be part of the church? This is a critical issue, and it is important to find out what God wants us to do. Much prayer and seeking needs to take place - it is not something to be taken casually or lightly.
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